Stay on Course

We've all been there before - we have a dream that we've waited so long to achieve.  We're getting all the things we need to attain it; we're gathering our resources, drawing up a plan, talking to the right people and looking into the future at the expected end.  But somewhere along the way, we get caught up with smaller dreams that are birthed from our big dreams and soon enough, our attention has strayed away from what we initially started with.

I'm not alone, right?  

I'm pretty sure I'm not.  We've all experienced this in one way or the other - losing sight of our dreams.  Getting sidetracked with other ideas that can be done later.  We want that degree - but along the way, we meet the woman/man of our dreams that change our course from where we started and where we were heading.  We want that job - but along the way, we get that opportunity for a once-in-a-lifetime experience that has been popping up for years.  We want to write that book or do that project - but along the way, something else comes up that seems more fruitful than our dreams!

Don't lose sight of your dreams.  There are many obstacles that come in your way to merely sidetrack you from the bigger picture. Good opportunities? Side-tracked? Huh? Yep! There are good obstacles too.  Perfect opportunities that show up that cause us to, for one second, take our eyes off of where our focus should be.  But guess what, don't stray - #StayOnCourse.  I can tell you, staying on course is worth it.  Many of the opportunities that show up are always available to do at a later time.  Some of them are just not to be done at all!  Fulfill your initial dreams no matter how long they may take.

I remember right before I was accepted at CNC, there was an opportunity for young poets and authors to attend a 3-month poetry workshop in the UK.  I was both a young poet and a new author and I was excited.  I applied to CNC a year before but I couldn't start at the time because the money was not there.  I stayed home for a year and in 2014, I applied again.  Right before I received my acceptance letter, a colleague encouraged me to apply for the workshop.

I loved poetry but anyone who knows me well would know that my career path is my passion.  I started making my own plans.  Okay Amy, so it's August.  The workshop starts in October and ends in January.  You've just received your acceptance letter.  Here's what you're going to do girl: you're going to defer your course of study to January.  You'll apply for this workshop which you are going to get accepted for and you'll go from the workshop that'll run from October to January and when that ends, you'll begin your studies in January 2015. Sounds like a good plan huh? Sounded like a good plan to me!

I wanted the experience.  I wanted them both.  I took my eyes off my career path for a second and I gazed towards my love for poetry.  But somewhere along that mesmerizing daydream, I had to remind myself that I was on a path that needed my full attention.  The journey was already being prepared for and it was about to begin.  I couldn't get caught up with everything around me.  I had to #StayOnCourse.

Similarly, with your plans, you have to be able to keep your eyes fixed on the finish line.  Don't get distracted by everything else around you that looks so interesting and inviting.  Keep focused on what is ahead; everything else will eventually fall into place.  I can assure you that it's worth it.  Remember that today as you work on your goals.

P.S. Right before I made my decision, had a talk with my mom about the plans that I had.  She didn't tell me what to do but instead encouraged me to make the most realistic decision.  I eventually decided to give up the poetry experience and start my studies.  By the time January 2015 came, I realized that the entire 3 months had gone by and I did not receive a call from anyone about the workshop!  Had I not made the decision I did, I would have been a semester behind in school, chasing a dream that was not meant for me at that point in time.  Thinking about it now makes me even more thankful that I did not lose sight of what I initially set out to do. 

I hope that this encourages and motivates someone today.  Be blessed. ❤️

When all Hope Seems Lost

I sat on my bed and cried my eyes out at least once every night since I came back to school.  Some things were bothering me; in fact, some things were plaguing my being.  I could no longer put on the facade and smile for the people around me -  so I retreated into my room and cried. 

On a day in the week past, I was mad at God.  How could He?  He sent me to this school, promised to take care of me, then He vanished into the wilderness? (or so I thought).  I cried out to God every day, like a scared, lonely child in need of her lost father.  All I needed was some clarity...

Day 1. "Dear Father, I need You.  I need clarity on a few things.  This burden is heavy.  I know You haven't given me more than I can bear and I'm trusting you to take me through, but it hurts.  It's heavy.  I know that You will help me.  What do you require of me to do to make this go away?"

Day 2. "Father, I came to You yesterday in desperate need, but today seems worse.  Added to that, I still haven't gotten clarity on what move I should make.  When are you going to take this pain away?"

Day 3. "Look, God, I've asked before and I'm still waiting. Why are you so silent?  Plus, this other thing is still a thing.  I'm broken.  My tear-well is drying up.  My emotions are haywire.  I feel like I am going to explode.  I want to know how to fix this.  And why am I still waiting? I thought you cared about me? Why am I still suffering?"


Day 4. "Good morning God. Thanks for waking me up."

Day 5. "Thank You for waking me up. Amen."

By now, you must have picked up how quickly my fervent prayers faded into nothingness.  I was angry at God.  I had two giant mountains before me.  One was a direction I needed for my final project, the other, an interpersonal conflict.  I cried out to God day after day after day to show me the way; yet the more I prayed, the more silent I felt He became.  What was He trying to teach me?  I couldn't understand how God operated.  He's promising to always be there, yet going ghost on me? Nah God. Not cool. 

 Weeks past.  I eventually decided on my own to seek the help of others and give God a rest as I thought God had left me alone.  I kept probing and probing until I gave up.  God wasn't helping.  They weren't helping. What lesson was I supposed to learn from this? It was affecting my relationship with others.  Every time a conversation would arise about my project, I would get angry on the inside.  I wasn't sure who this anger was directed towards, but it was brewing within me.

All hope seemed lost.  The days were closing in; the time was getting shorter and I couldn't get a head start.  I was afraid.  I kept trying to peep into my future to see how things would turn out, but I couldn't.  I sat on my bed confused and angry.  

I turned on Skype and hit the call button.  It was Kenny.  It was in the midst of an apology, turned into a new argument, turned into a sermon, where the clarity was given. That's it! I gasped.  My jaw dropped; my bottom lip hanging low and my eyes wide open! It was in that moment, at the time I least expected, God inspired me to choose a suitable topic.  I gave up trying to pressure God to answer me and I gave up trying to do it on my own and I let go completely.
But Seriously God? Are you trying to be funny?

Hope is something we hold unto.  It almost seems like we need it for survival.  When hope seems lost, we become lost.  We don't see the end of the tunnel; all we see ahead of us is a darkness that keeps going and going and going, without end.  However, it is in those moments, God takes the time to show us that He's still there and that He's been standing, running, crawling and walking with us every step of the way.

Our Heavenly Father never leaves us nor forsakes us.  He is always there with us.  Yet sometimes, it feels like He is no longer there. Why? 🤔 God knows that in the midst of these difficult situations, we will draw closer to Him.  Seems a bit weird and a little bit.....much, huh? But it isn't.  It is in our most difficult situations, we then realize how much we need God in our lives.  This propels us to seek Him more than we've ever done before.  We pray more. We ask more.  We wait more.  We listen more.  We're humbled even more. 

So whenever you feel like you're about to lose it all, look to God and be patient.  He hasn't gone anywhere.  Trust me!  He's right there with you.  He's waiting for you to stop turning your wheel into the direction of others and into the directions your spirit leads you, instead of His Spirit.  He wants you to steer your focus away from everything else that consumes you and look to Him.  He's the one with the answers, the clarity, and what we need - when all hope seems lost.

False Evidence Appearing Real = F.E.A.R

In my short time on this earth, I have never been afraid of thunder as much as I was afraid of it yesterday.  As I sat in my dorm room unwinding from a long day, the rain began to pour down heavily.  It had been about thirty minutes since it was raining and I was falling deeper and deeper into the calming sounds of the waters.............

That was until I saw the first lightning flash!  It was extremely bright; it lit up my already illuminated room.   For many years, I grew to understand that lightning and thunder were a dynamic duo; they went hand in hand.  Lightning flashed and approximately seven seconds after a flash, thunder would roll.  I then began to understand that the brighter the flash of lightning, the louder the sound of thunder.

I covered my ears in fear. I knew that the crack of thunder was going to be louder than I would expect.  Then it came! Cracckkkk Cr-AAAC KKK.  My window began to shake!  A shiver came over my body and a scream escaped my lips.  Me? Afraid of thunder? No way!  In no time, the lightning flashed again...one, two, three, four, five, six, seven (hmm, wait for it, wait for it), eig... and then came the thunder!  The power was cut and the rain beat down on the roof heavily.  This continued for around twenty minutes then mother nature finallyyyy decided to chill.

What was I afraid of?  Has there ever been an account of someone harmed by thunder?  Correct me if I'm wrong, but the simple response to that is ABSOLUTELY NOT.  That feeling in my chest, accompanied by the shiver in my spine and the involuntary scream is called FEAR, or as someone nicely coined the term "False Evidence Appearing Real."

Fear creeps up on us when we least expect it.  It comes into our space and has us to believe that we are in danger, we are incapable of accomplishing the goals we have set or we are just not good enough as the other person is.

Fear is a liar.  It does not speak the truth.  It has no place in our plans.  Fear is sort of like the unwanted wedding guest who shows up uninvited to the ceremony and has the nerve to come at the reception dinner.

"So what can be done about fear?" you may ask.  Face it, I say! Facing your fears is sort of like fear's kryptonite.  Have you ever seen Justice League vs. Teen titans? Superman was possessed by an evil entity and Robin knew that in order to rid the spirit, he had to weaken the host.  He comes flying out of the air armed with Superman's weakness, Kryptonite.  Eventually, the entity could not survive without the host's abilities, so it disappeared.

Stay with me. Consider the entity, fear.  He is upon you.  He forces you to do what you don't want to do and even DON'T do what you want to!  He tells you that he controls you and that whatever he says goes.  The kryptonite? That's you facing those fears! And that's also you weakening your own self-doubt and self-destructive thinking! It temporarily makes you feel like you are unable to go on.  It may even cause you to feel like you are going to die (because fear says so) but it's a lie.

Fear doesn't control you.  You have the power to overcome ANY and EVERY obstacle placed in your way.  Today, I don't know about you, but I feel like this lesson is for me.  Amy, fear doesn't control you; fear only cripples you.  Stand up for what you believe in.  Go forth and do what you were called to.  

I trust that wherever you are, whatever you are facing right now, you can look fear in the face and show him who's boss! Be blessed day!